All the Single Ladies


Top Ten Non-Miserable Valentine’s Day Activities

by Jackie Charniga
Editor in Chief 

Dance in your underwear: Put on some music and go wild. There’s no one around to impress or judge. Grab a hairbrush and serenade yourself in the mirror. Besides, jumping around like a moron isn’t a crime. The endorphins will do you good.

Send out Valentines greetings: This is an easy, non-bitter way to acknowledge the holiday and connect with people without enduring overly-sentimental professions of love bursting out of people like diarrhea and all that other stuff Hallmark is hocking.

Go Out: You are allowed to make plans and be seen in public. You are imagining the red “S” sewn to your chest. Being single is not a disease nor should it be treated as one. Get together with the rest of your interesting single friends and paint the town green. You know, because all of the red will have been used up.

Do something adventurous: Because you don’t have some nagging boyfriend/girlfriend trying to stop you. Get a buzz cut. Or a tattoo. Eat the seafood purchased from the suspicious man selling out of the trunk of his car. Mistakes are like scars on a cool surfer dude, and time will heal all wounds. And close most piercings.

Eat something delicious: It should be so fattening that you expect the Surgeon General to personally accompany you to the nearest hospital’s cardiovascular center.

Go on an anti-date: Grab dinner with a platonic friend, split the bill evenly, and remind everyone else in the restaurant that it is possible to spend time with a member of the opposite sex without feeling the need to lock eyes meaningfully over the salad or slip an engagement ring into the mashed potatoes.

Knock something off that bucket list: You don’t want to let all of the specialness leak out of your day because you don’t have someone to share it with. Romance doesn’t have to be the order of the day. Climb a mountain. Learn to drive stick. Beat someone besides the computer generated character at Super Smash Bros (This may just be on my list).

Whatever you do, photograph it: On February 14th 1849, James Knox Polk became the first serving president to have his photograph taken. Deeply consider how far our nation has come when you’re snapping one last selfie on your way out the door.

Don’t despair: Charlotte Brontë, the novelist famous for penning Jane Eyre, once said: “The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.” That’s as horrifying a concept as keeping one’s lunatic wife locked in the attic. Being “single” is more than a status or state of being. You’re not a bachelor, spinster, or a romantic caught between romances. You’re you, which leads me to my final piece of advice for Valentine’s Day:

Spend some time alone: Being alone is a magical thing. The freedom is astounding, and should be celebrated as much as being in a relationship. Pull on some sweats, leave your makeup in its compact and leave the hair gel bottle under the sink. Veg out with the person you’ve been dying to spend some time with: Yourself.