Banning butt cheeks

Elaine Gerou  managing editor elaine.gerou@apps.schoolcraft.edu

Elaine Gerou
managing editor
elaine.gerou@apps.schoolcraft.edu

Yoga pants should be outlawed

Recently, Montana Republican state representative David Moore proposed House Bill 365, which prohibits public nudity and “any device, costume or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region or pubic hair region.” This means that yoga pants would be outlawed, which is a great proposal for many reasons.

Yoga pants can be quite comfortable and may appear more formal than baggy sweatpants, but there are endless opportunities for possible malfunctions with these “pants.”

One, many yoga pants are cheap, and are therefore made from cheap material. Guess what: that means the material is often see through. While this may be terrific for fellas standing behind a lady with a nice behind, imagine what it is like when the derriere is not so nice. Even if the fellow is lucky, the woman is being objectified into two butt cheeks when her pants are see-through, and that poorly reflects women wearing yoga pants. Fellas may love see-through pants, but they objectify the woman.

Two, with the cheap material, yoga pants often rip as well. Considering that these “pants” are comfortable and cheap, possibly meaning the owner is poor, it is probable that owner will not discard of her holey pants until they are but napkins on her legs. This again is a trashy presentation, because the holes are usually on the seams, either on the inside of the upper thigh, close to the crotch, or directly across the butt crack.

Three, some girls buy sizes that are far too small for them, but somehow manage to squeeze into (most likely with petroleum jelly). It is as if some women attempt to fit about seven pounds into a five-pound bag; it can fit, but it should not. Ladies should imagine that if they bought jeans that are as small and tight as their yoga pants, they would have major muffin tops. Nobody wants a muffin top, so why would someone flirt so closely with that danger with yoga pants? It is scary business.

A plus to this proposal is, according to the Great Falls Tribune, Moore elaborated men should not wear Speedos or show their nipples in public. Nobody really wants to see the package or man boobs. Viewing this much of a man’s body can sometimes be funny for brief encounters, but usually is a little uncomfortable. Please, keep those hairy nips under shirts and the junk under roomy pants, gentlemen.

Although most of Moore’s suggestions in the proposal are terrific for the safety of children’s eyes, he goes a bit far on not having a problem for people getting arrested for indecent exposure, wearing tight beige clothing and other provocative clothing. A little ticket would do the trick. Stay covered, and stay classy.

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