Eight creepiest toys

Opinion

What not to get your children this holiday season, or ever

Jolly Chimp

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The funny, musical Jolly Chimp was a toy made to live up to its name. The toy clangs and bangs two cymbals between its hands when activated, along with making noises and smiling. Its fatal downfall is the design of its face which turned out angry, with cold, hollow eyes. Another irritable downside is that the cymbals don’t seem to shut off for many users, which quickly became a nightmare for children and parents alike.

Baby Laughs A Lot

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Yet another doll strikes terror and fear into the hearts of people of all ages, the eerie Baby Laughs A Lot. Although it may be initially entertaining, the shrieks of laughter become annoying and permanently drilled into its unlucky listener’s ears. The doll has even been said to creepily chuckle in the late hours of the night.

Jar Jar Binks Tongue Pop

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While this toy is more of a candy novelty, it is still incomprehensible what child would want to eat a sucker in the shape of an alligator tongue. The candy sticks out of Jar Jar’s mouth and remains attached to the toy through consumption. Not only can it be considered inappropriate, but the candy also appears infected with bumpy spots. Delicious.

Face Bank

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This unique piggy bank will not only help your children save money, but also provide hours of haunting fun! This is a toy originally created to help and encourage children to save money though it seems more like something to scare children away. Perhaps it would be perfect for those who want their children to stop asking for allowance. This coin box, operated by AA batteries, makes a chewing noise to mechanically eat the coins and note savings.

Lovely StraitJacket And Funny Cage

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The Lovely Straitjacket and not-so Funny Cage by “Control Toys” were actually used as publicity stunts in the reality show “Super Nanny.” Crew members placed empty toy boxes in various retailers and caught parents and guardians on camera who actually considered buying them to quell the behavior of unruly children. Were these toys real, the law may not agree how lovely or funny they are.

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Strangely enough, however, there was a precedent. According to a Mental Floss article, “baby cages” were a fad in urban areas in the ‘30s for parents without yards, as a way to give their babies some “fresh” air, one of the objectives being to strengthen their immune systems.

Mr. Buttons

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This creepy doll seems as though it’s handmade by a derranged craftsman, with eyes of buttons and a mouthful of realistic teeth sure to give your children nightmares for months to come. And what is Mr. Buttons? A mutated tedddy bear? A zombified genetically modified potato? And is he about to eat the heart in his hands?